Valentine’s Day can be a source of angst for lots of people whether in a relationship or not.  There can be a lot of unnecessary pressure
to give gifts, plan special dates or meals, and maybe perform sexually.  Yet hurt and angry emotions can be avoided by clearly stating expectations, honest thoughts and sharing deep feelings.  It is totally okay to decide to enjoy each other’s company without being extravagant or focusing on sex, per se.  A simple tasty meal, a loving compassionate massage, or a fun game may be a great source of enjoyment.  And if you are single, it might be a good time to treat yourself to something nice.  Celebrating this holiday need not be about sex, but it should be enjoyable.
     Being together with a mate emotionally or physically should be about PLEASURE, not setting goals of high frequency sex or always achieving an orgasm.  Historically, the typical way of measuring sexual ‘satisfaction’ was with the Male Model using ‘frequency’ of sexual encounters and number of sexual ‘thoughts’ as the best measure of ‘good’ sexual functioning.  Luckily, as with many business

organizations and social scenarios, women’s viewpoints and alternative methods are now being recognized as valid.  The new approach is to look at general health, happiness, physical, medical, psychological and relationship factors.  We now focus on mutual fun and pleasurequality, not quantity.  This is a more female-centered view which has equal, or better, validity to the former performance-oriented restrictive approach.  Your feelings are valid!

     So on Valentine’s Day and always, discuss your thoughts, feelings and preferences with your partner(s) so that you may both have a more enjoyable romantic time together.  Together decide what you enjoy, then do that!