I see many young couples concerned about lower desire and less frequency of their sexual encounters. They are frustrated, angry and incredulous that their previous fun and freedom is now curtailed by the heavy responsibilities of adult life, household management, parenting, work, finances and other necessary daily activities.
They have extended family burdens, have trouble setting boundaries, and making time for themselves as a couple. They have new babies and/or older kids all requiring so much of their time and energy.
So where is the time for them-selves? For each other? How does life get balanced out and when is the time for fun and pleasure? The answer is it must be somewhere other than at the bottom of the ‘To-Do’ List. Stepping away from daily life must be a priority. It is crucial to somehow find a way to keep true to themselves as a couple.
Every woman has 100% of her energy and attention available to use every day. She can choose to give it all away to work and family, but how then to have energy left over to have fun, play, and get sexy? It must be a conscious decision to schedule in down time, relaxation time, and personal alone time.
The Spontaneity Myth is a concept that assumes every sexual encounter should be as easy and natural as it once was. But real life gets in the way and needs to be held in check. It’s important to carve out special, private, adult time into our lives.
Despite working over 100 hours per week in the Army Medical Corps with 2 young children, my husband and I made a commitment to ourselves to always take time out for fun, play and intimacy. We vowed to get away for at least one night 3 times a year: each of our birthdays and our anniversary – no matter what.
It was THE single best decision we ever made to keep our love alive and remember how much we really did enjoy each other when our responsibilities were not so oppressive. Now that we are empty-nesters, we can reap the benefits of a loving relationship, having grown closer together through the years of mutual support and facing life’s problems.